What can we do with nothing

And is it ours to give

We've danced in it's abundance

Without the will to live

Whilst i've endured this illness

I've found no peace on earth

If only i'd learned sooner

Your feelings are not your worth

We got poverty

Not equality

We got robbery

Not generosity

We got leaders 

Who don't care

Financial gains

Pollute our air

We let the lost

Sleep the streets

And live a system

Just to make ends meet

And yet our earth can feed mankind

By using the knowledge of the greatest minds

We could provide all the necessities 

And in return end all the miseries

And yet we allow them to blame the Economy ?

Are we blind, can't we see

Or do we need this apathy

Its a moral problem that protects the elite

Since the birth of greed

Repeat Repeat Repeat

Institutions created, by a weak flawed species

No wonder my heads in fucking pieces

We live like ships that pass in the night

Blindly taking all their shite

And i'm so sorry if you're waiting for the answer

Cos all i know is power is a cancer

There's a place inside

Most won't go

For some its an obsession 

And an end to all they know

For others an adventure

A place they have to be

But for me I seek oblivion

And a world without me

I wish my brother needed me

Like I need him

There's a part of me i'll never know

That's left my soul so grim

I wish we had a kinship

A bond that thrived from birth

Maybe then i'd beat this illness

And find my peace on earth

Insomnia Insomnia

What the fuck is wrong with ya

Why can't you be my friend

Or occasionally pretend

I'm not asking much

Just enough to stay in touch

You've robbed me of a life 

Filled my bed with strife

And left a nervous wreck

Without the will to survive

Black dog barking

Waking gruelling

Demons blaming

Misery waiting

Walking breathing

Illness not easing

No control

Tortured soul

Can't be kind

Losing my mind

Trudging this tunnel

Convinced I'm insane

The only light 

An oncoming train

Do I retreat

Do I remain

Tomorrows forecast 

Yet more pain

There's a place I go

A place few know

Where hope is lost at such a cost

But despite the horror and ill it bears

I long to climb its rotting stairs

And once I find myself inside

I scatter the furniture far and wide

The damage I cause, trying to hide

I find no comfort, never serene

The panic, the terror, this is no dream

I free the demons, set them to work

There's no compassion, only hurt

My reason to visit

To find relief

It never comes 

This brute's a thief

I wade through dark, remorse and guilt

At least it's mine this hole i've built

And when I leave , I still remain

I am nothing without the pain

With its malevolent eyes and endless lies

It tempts me back

My soulless reprise

If I was strong, I'd lock the door

But weak and lost

I'll be back for more

All's not well in the world I know

Weird flowers in my pretty garden grow

With weary eyes, I search the skies

There are no answers, only lies

Black dog barking

Reality crumbling

Stood on a road

Counting cars

Waiting for the flier

Stepping out in front of him

A tangible desire

I heed the advice and take a long walk

It's time to exercise the suffering

All my demons tag along with their constant muttering

But i've been told "be aware when i breathe"

"Appreciate the birds, the sun and the trees"

Who actually makes up this shit

The dog is having none of it

Instead he's found a use for the branches

Its time I left, dark cloud advances

No strength to fight, no hope of respite

All that awaits, a tormented night

My soul a home for guilt and reflection

A desire to die and macabre rumination

Do I need this hell

If not why do I remain

Is dark my natural habitat

Could I live without the pain

"You have so much to live for" "you have so much to give"

"Life is what you make it" "just get a grip"

Suddenly everyones a doctor

Telling me what i've got to, what i've not to 

Their concern no consolation

Though I appreciate they try

The only thought running through my mind

"Fuck off and let me die"

My brute creates the darkest thoughts

That turn to tangible desires

The more I try resist him

The less he seems to tire

How do I escape him

Why does he always harass 

How do I free my mind

And prevent his trespass

If only i could control him

I'd live every day so dearly

Turn his malevolence to compassion

And I'd gladly keep him near me

But for now I live his lies, anxiety, guilt and frustration

Praying for a GOD who can end the rumination

Im a walking contradiction 

Part fact part fiction

I've always worn this mask

Because it hides the affliction

I've been fighting demons

That you don't believe in

Not knowing who i am

But knowing i don't like him

Is it any wonder I can't let go

When all i'll have left 

Is regret, guilt and sorrow

As I stand before this dark abyss

It hurts not remembering our last kiss

If only i'd learned sooner, know yourself before others

We may have stood a chance, we may still be lovers

Was it just a case of right characters, wrong story

Or was it just me, am I not worthy

One thing I know, one thing is clear

I'd happily live in hell

If my demons remained here

I've spent my life in some pretty dark places

Forever wearing various faces

Mastered the art of fooling others

Listening to a voice who wants me to suffer

Dealt with it my way, self medication

End result, morbid rumination

I never thought i'd see the light

That was until one Monday night

I took the plunge to end this shite

Met some brothers with wisdom to share

Kindred spirits who really care

I was never judged and made to see

There's always hope at AMC

There's a parasite living in my head

He's made his home my mind

He feeds off my emotions

And leaves my thoughts maligned

He's poisoned my beliefs

Convinced me that they're real

He says i'm weak, im no-one and that i'll never heal

He's made me drive to bridges

And  drove me to despair

If i'd jumped like he suggested

I know he wouldn't care

For years i've let him bully me

Let him play his role

It's time i finally faced this brute

I'm taking back control

I've worn his masks for far too long

I'm tired of fooling others

I hate the way he haunts my nights

No sanctuary under covers

I have to end this torment

I'm through with being his victim

No-one gets to judge me

This life is MINE for living

He screams that this will leave a hole

But i know compassion can fill my soul

"you can't, you're weak, we have an agreement"

But with love and faith i can beat this deviant

Do your worst, i'm no longer listening

Though i might hear you, i've stopped my grovelling

I'll let your hate just float on by

You'll soon get bored, with luck you'll die

Your hold will start to weaken

Your beliefs will be replaced

Too long i've drunk your venom

Prepare to be erased

You'll hijack my thoughts no longer

Lose control of my esteem

And as my mind grows stronger

I'll start to build MY dream

As i hear your voice grow quieter

Your barking start to fade

My future will be brighter

With you rotting in its shade

So long as i remember, it's always good to talk

I'll hold my head up high and start to walk the walk

Isn't it strange how life flows

bitterness grows

forms fingers and toes

the comparisons we make

only add to our woes

our worlds are heavy

because we carry the past

from birth we're encouraged

to live our lives fast

but time stands still

when we stop to breathe

appreciate our qualities

reassess our beliefs

just to BE is a joy

it doesn't have to be bleak

put down the phone

and learn to speak

You are You

You are unique

stop buying the shit

you wont want next week

is your facebook followed

who's fucking bothered

and your rants on twitter

only make YOU feel shitter

can't you see

you're where they want you

primed for manipulation

living your days

in constant trepidation

surround youself with loved ones

and wear them like a blanket

they're the only ones in your world 

who can positively enhance it

Staring ahead

not looking back

where i've been

completely off track

found life hard

no esteem

mentally scarred

not living MY dream

guided by a brute

who has no heart

took the wrong route

it's time to start

have faith in me

control my thoughts

stop believing

the juggernaut

of negatives and

desires to die

it's ok to talk

it's ok to cry

there's a life to love

outside my mind

consume compassion

just be kind

stop feeding the dog

hear his bark grow weaker

look for the positives

times a healer

meditate, speculate

time to face my fears

armed and ready 

for when he reappears

The trouble is

you think you have time

the Buddha sang

as i drank his wine

you waste your days

with him upstairs

his endless baiting

not your affairs

this life is yours

not anothers narrative

control his chatter

and start to live

don't spend your energies

on the things

you don't need

what you have is enough

no serenity in greed

the present moment

a precious time

it's all you have

live it sublime

and if the darkness

starts to fall

step back and breathe

don't heed the call

hear his rants

but let them by

you have your wings

start to fly

leave the door to your soul

open wide

then just sit back

and enjoy the ride

why do i do

what i always do

when i don't want to do

what i always do

will i always do

what i always do

when i don't want to do

what i always do

if i always do 

what i always do

i never will do

what i want to do

can't stand

can't sit

heart racing

tough shit

stop pacing

sit down

mind blown

anxiety town

hear voices

yours, mine ?

dripping sweat

broken mind

scared, lost

swim, drown ?

heavy cost

anxiety town

no sleep

no control

in deep

barren soul

never rational

constant frown

permanent resident

anxiety town

long walk

no relief

can't talk

can't breathe

black dog

malevolent hound

no escaping 

anxiety town